Short-term marriage contract, which is an American writer Kurt Vonnegut concluded with his wife Jane during her pregnancy.
I, Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., in person, hereby swear that I will be faithful to the commitments listed below: With the consent of my wife not to grumble at me, do not scream and do not disturb the other way on this issue, I undertake to wash the floors in the bathroom and in the kitchen once a week, at a convenient date and time to me.
Not only that, I'll do it well and carefully, that means, in its view, zalezanie a bath for the toilet, a sink, a freezer and all corners; and that I will also pick up and move to another place any movable object, which will meet me on the above surfaces, and thereby clean the floor beneath them, not just around.
Moreover, taking these efforts, I will refrain from uttering phrases such as "shit," "damn!" And other expletives as similar language on your nerves in a situation where the reason for its use is the only meeting with the inevitable. If I can not act in accordance with these agreements, my wife will get complete freedom to grumble at me, scream and bother other way as long as I did not wash my floors in any case - regardless of how busy I am. By also, that I will provide the following non-essential convenience:
1. I'm going to hang up my clothes and put my shoes in the closet at a time when you do not use them.
2. I will not unreasonably worn dirt into the house by nevytiraniya feet on the mat at the front door or by wearing slippers when making garbage on the street, as well as by other means.
3. I will throw out things like empty boxes of matches, cigarette packs, cartons, which are inserted into the collars of shirts, and so on. in the trash, instead of leaving them lying on chairs and on the floor.
4. After shaving, I'll put my shaving kit back into the cabinet.
5. If I'm to blame the emergence of a ring around the tub drain, I - with the help of "Cleaner Swift" and brushes, instead of using its own washcloths - otmoyu it.
6. Provided that my wife collects the dirty laundry, put in a bag and puts the bag per se in a prominent place in the hall, I refer above the laundry in the laundry room not later than three days after it appeared in the hallway; I'm in the future I will take clean underwear from the laundry and bring back within two weeks after it took dirty.
7. During smoking, I will make every possible effort in order not to put the ashtray on the surface that tilts, bends, bends, wrinkles, or are susceptible at the slightest excitement; under such surfaces can be understood as a stack of books, pre-folded on the edge of the chair or armrest chair, and my knees. 8. I will not put a cigarette - or shake the ashes - a red leather wastebasket or a basket for brands that my loving wife make me for Christmas 1945, as this practice significantly reduces the aesthetic quality and, ultimately, the practical value of said items .
9. If my wife would require from me something that can only be regarded as a reasonable requirement, which lies within the boundaries of ordinary working men understood (certainly when the wife is pregnant), I will do it for three days after it was brought to me. The parties understand that my wife will not say anything related to the subject matter, except, of course, "thank you" for three days. However, if I do not meet the stated requirement for a substantial period of time, my wife would quite rightly grumble at me, scream and bother other way as long as I am not forced to do the same for granted.
10. An exception to the above rule is three days of taking out the trash, which, as any fool knows, can not wait so long. I will take out the garbage for three hours after my wife tells me this is necessary. Would be nice, however, if their own eyes to discover that it's time to take out the garbage, I will do this particular task on its own initiative, and thus I will not force my wife to raise the issue, the discussion of which it is a little tasteless. 11. It is understood that if I can find its obligations unreasonable or too limiting my freedom, I will attempt to change them with a reasonable counter-proposals to be presented in the constitutional order and negotiated within the framework of decency, - instead of iniquity cease to perform its obligations just an explosion of battle, or something like that and then stubbornly ignore them.
12. The terms of this contract are considered to be mandatory until such time after the birth of our child, when (on the conclusion of the doctor), my wife will regain its ability to fully and be able to show more zeal than it is recommended at this time.
April 25, 1946