What supposedly talking in the elevator bank on Wall Street

• What are supposedly the bank said in the elevator on Wall Street

Author cynical Twitter gossip, allegedly overheard the elevator bank Goldman Sachs on Wall Street, has collected nearly 700 thousand readers, passed through the scandalous revelations and wrote a book, which will be released next year.

We have collected for you the best tweets.

- Every phone call I begin with the words "My phone almost sat up and may turn off, so come on quick."

- If you have a good metabolism, a head full of hair and a good job - do not marry young, wait 10 years and make a choice.

- Statistically, you have no sense to worry about what it looks like your mom's first wife.

- I'd agree with you, but then we would both be wrong.

- At the neighbor grass is greener, because fertilized shit.

- The music was better in times when people were allowed to sing ugly.

- If I get fired - it will be a good test of my wife's faithfulness, and if I will improve - then test me.

- When life puts you under the nose of lemon, order yourself a lobster tail to it.

- The battery of my iPhone - that's what makes me hurry home.

- If the wife offers me a blowjob, then it's time to make a statement with the card.

- another sign of the slope - meet up with friends and did not look in the phone.

- Teach a man to fish and he will again vote for the one who promised to give him the fish.

- The fact that there is an ugly prostitute, amply demonstrates the essence of men and free markets.

- US zhirobasy 20 years preparing for this winter.

- Most celebrities do not even have a university education - so what the hell do consult them on any serious matter?

- I'll open the gym, which will turn into a bar after October.

- I wish I could love anything as much as I hate everything. - It's hard to believe that the Italians were once the Romans.

- Only a Neanderthal falls to physical violence. I prefer to humiliate morally break the spirit and deprived of hope.

- My first wife was an ardent opponent of abortion, while my girlfriend got pregnant.

- Destiny, Fate and Karma (destiny, faith, carma - fate, faith, karma) - the so-called strippers in Atlanta.

- One of my favorite things: when someone puts their selfie and no one laykaet.

- Listening to the interlocutor is half waiting for their turn to speak, and half of reminders currently changing face every 10 seconds.

- I think that alcohol creates more people than destroys.

- When I hear the "got a minute?" - I understand that now lose half an hour, which can never return.

- Be yourself - a great tip for approximately 5% of people.

- Tattoo - it's not mine, I did not hang up bumper stickers its "Lamborghini".

- Soon you'll know that the silence - the best way to send a dick.

- When you Grass their stories - I think just how much shorter than they could be.

- The best place - is to put the bolt.

- Getting finally watch the first season of "Breaking Bad" ... or are going to learn from the pilot of the aircraft.

- When I say: "It is necessary to us as ever meet," I say, "Sure, I'll call you." It lies in the answer to the lie.

- Poor people eat so much fast food, it seems that their time is worth a fortune.

- I just want to be rich enough not to be fixated on money.

- There is no person whose credit rating is lower than that of the guy who swings a 100-dollar bill on the photo.

- 98% of the people commenting on the network Mandela's death will not be able to answer simple questions about his life.

- A friend asked me what I would do, if I have 10 million bucks. I told her: "I'll ask, where all the rest of my grandmother."

- I do not need Case for iPhone - I'm that irresponsible or beggar?

- It is not necessary to retire as long as your wealth did not bring you more than you are getting in your best year.

- iPhone 5S - the sweetest way to say "I am poor."

- Before people can express their views on Syria, they must first show it on the map.

- What a shame that stupidity does not hurt its bearer.

- Flowers and apologized many times easier than to change something in yourself.

- Scrambling to the top of the food chain, because we were not vegetarians.

- Most of the people even in a movie about his life would play a supporting role.

- You do not have the social networks? How did you find your classmates? - Let will type my name into Google.

- Feminists - it ugly losers who are looking for an excuse to their defeat.

- Please, let's stop to call them "hipster" and become again call "suckers", as in the good old days.

- If the drawing views of a man on first impression it was an Olympic sport, I would be suspected of taking performance-enhancing drugs to me.

- Too many people still respond to calls as if they do not know who is calling.

- What machine can impress a girl? - ATM.

- If you love someone very much - to break his spirit, that he never had the will to get away from you.

- If you can be good at one thing - be good at lying. Then you will be good at everything.

- "He's a good guy, if you know him" - it's a great definition of asshole.

- How easily offended people, in direct proportion to how he stupid.

- The world's two universal languages ​​- English and English slow loud.

- kiddies it's time to learn the lesson: Santa loves rich kids more.

- If you want to die rich, live according to three rules: If it flies, floats, or fucks - rent rather than own this. - I always tell the banker in one minute bar - he tells me about it.

- Why should I have to marry - this is, consider, bet half your state that you love her forever.

- Someone still believes in justice when all the smart people hang from jury duty?

- Mowing - a good economic indicator. In bad times people go to get a haircut once every 8 weeks, in good - once a 6. I go every 3 weeks.

- My liberal friends are excited about the new iPhone, made by Chinese children with rare earth metals mined slaves, from a company that does not pay taxes.

- The coolest nicknames of people - those on which they do not know.

- None of the calf is actually not so happy, which seems to be on Facebook, so sexy, what it seems to instagrame, and so witty, which seems to be on Twitter.

- As a society, we are intelligent as ever, just technology gave a voice to innocent weight.

- There was a time when the unwanted link to the island. Now we have to buy the island to be away from them.

- I want a girlfriend, a strong and independent enough to be able to change a flat tire and attractive enough to never have to do the most.

- It is necessary to make sure that the "Reply to All" in the mail had to be earned.

- When people ask me how I'm doing, I usually lie that good, in fact at times better.

- I just want to be rich enough to hate the weekend - a time when all sorts of scum get out on the streets.

- Obesity and hunger - the two biggest problems of the society. This explains human nature.

- Darwin did not take account of this situation in the world in which intelligent people have fewer children than blunt. - If you are in front of a urinal throws his tie over his shoulder, then either you have too long tie or a short penis.

- Work hard, eat right, engage in physical, not a lot of thumps and buy only what you can afford. It's not rocket science.

- I would look a television show in which teenagers describe their favorite instagramy veterans of the Second World War.

- We would be less critical to the female body, if we had to walk with a member of the parade 24/7.

- The captain of the Nigerian national team has offered to reimburse all expenses of fans smuggle team in Brazil. He said he was only their banking data is needed.

- The fact that most people are too stupid to know how stupid they are, is the foundation fastening our society.

- All cats - libertarians: totally dependent on others, but at the same time convinced of its independence.

- Talent - the only thing standing between the majority of the people and their dreams.

- You still can drive customers to a strip club. Just now you can not take care of all the expenses.

- Check your phone after someone nearby pulled out his - is yawn of our generation.

- "Make what you love" - ​​great advice to earn $ 1,000 per month.

- Today's green tea after yesterday's 15 cancels our beer?

- It does not matter who you are - a lion or a gazelle. In both cases you only need to be faster than the slowest gazelle.

- The most successful and most unsuccessful people are united by one feature - they think they are never wrong.

- If it's the first phone was the iPhone, she's too young for you, bro.

- They had just caught 89-year-old Nazi, who lives in America. - I did not know that George Soros is already 89!

- Some people conclude that I'm a shy, quiet or boring, not realizing that they just do not like me. - My experience allows me to conclude that snips with a handbag from Michael Kors affordable than heifers even create fake Louis Vuitton.

- Nobody likes Brooklyn until instagramovskih filters.

- Some of the best moments in life - those of which you can not tell anyone.

- Each zero in your bank account increases your penis by 1 centimeter.

- Relationships are like children's rocking board. If one of the two bored or someone too fat - not fun.

- My future wife may have just moved to the high school.

- Money can not buy happiness, but they decide to 95% of the problems that make people unhappy.

- Sexy girl and does not know if she really interesting.

- I'm not out of place, it's you hellishly boring.

- If at least one person is dead you do not, then you're living wrong.

- The larger the cracks on her iPhone screen, the more chance I have to take her to her this evening.

- It's hard not to judge someone if his favorite movie crap.

- People find it hard to embarrass me. Unless it's an Asian with a British accent.

- For most people, freedom is associated with a large piece of someone else's money.