There are two types of lawyers: those who know the law, and those who know the judge. 15 jokes about lawyers!
• There are two types of lawyers: those who know the law, and those who know the judge. 15 jokes about lawyers!
The people formed a stereotypical image-fixers lawyer, human smart, quirky and money-hungry. Such a set of qualities has created a huge number of jokes and anecdotes on the legal-judicial issue.
We chose half a dozen of the funniest jokes about lawyers.
Listens to the murder case. Sufficient evidence in the case, but the victim's body was never found. defendant's lawyer appeals to the court:
- Your Honor, I have a surprise for you - less than a minute, the man accused of the murder of which my client will enter the courtroom.
The judge and the jury looked at the door. It takes a minute or two, five - no one enters.
- My statement was not true, but you all looked at the door, then you have admitted that my client is a victim is still alive. And since the doubt in favor of the accused, I demand the recognition of his innocence.
Court retire to deliberate. After meeting the judge verdict: "Guilty."
- But the doubt in favor of the accused, and I saw that everyone was looking at the door!
- That's it - all except the accused!
- Who else call names, the so-called self!
- Defendant stop farce!
- The defendant!
There are two types of lawyers: those who know the law, and those who know the judge. Granddaughter and grandmother visit the cemetery and granddaughter asked her grandmother:
- Grandma, but perhaps in one grave possible to bury two people at once?
- Of course not, granddaughter. Why do you ask?
- I saw one of tombs an inscription: "Here is buried a lawyer and an honest man."
- And I would have you given 17 years.
- Comrade Judge, that's not funny.
Vampire father teaches his son:
- Look, son, girl goes. Who flies to her, digging into his neck and suck blood.
Son did so ... he drinks, it means that the blood, the father approaches here:
- Mark, son, throw it, that's enough.
- Dad, but you have nee still so much blood left!
- Throw say, we're not lawyers.
Somehow it came to well-known lawyer and representatives of the Benevolent Society expressed his claim:
- You do not really participate in donations and will never help those in need!
At that the lawyer told them:
- I have elderly parents, a sister who is not married and does not work, the aunt that vagabonds in Odessa, brother: every day a new disease, uncle incessantly guzzle money my friends!
- Please accept our apology, we are not famous ...
- So keep in mind, even to them I did not give a single penny!
In a court:
- Any questions?
- If the centaur to copulate with a mermaid, they will be born half human, a quarter of the fish and a quarter horse?
- I mean, to the witness.
- By the questions asked to the witness, Your Honor.
- About a hammer, you have killed dozens of people and robbed hundreds. What can you say for yourself? - The defendant sit down and stop clowning around.
The American comes to a lawyer and asks for advice.
- My neighbor owes me five hundred dollars, and does not give. Can I somehow seize the money from him?
- You can, but you need written proof that he owes you. Do you have a proof?
- I'm afraid not. I have it just took.
- Then write him a letter and ask in the letter, he immediately returned to you a thousand dollars.
- But he owes me only five hundred dollars!
- That's what he would answer. And it will be written evidence.
- What do you call a person who helps a criminal before he committed a crime?
- an accomplice.
- And if it helps the perpetrator after he has committed a crime?
- See, he sneezed, then telling the truth.
- Comrade advocate, you have everything?
- According to your complaint, the accused said that you are a fool. It's true?
- the truth.
- Then what are you complaining about?
- Can you recommend a wonderful lawyer. His client was threatening the electric chair, but he has achieved a significant reduction in ...
- No voltage.
- Do not judge, ye be judged.
- Protest protection rejected.