There are two types of lawyers: those who know the law, and those who know the judge. 15 jokes about lawyers!

• There are two types of lawyers: those who know the law, and those who know the judge. 15 jokes about lawyers!

There are two types of lawyers: those who know the law, and those who know the judge. 15 jokes about lawyers!

The people formed a stereotypical image-fixers lawyer, human smart, quirky and money-hungry. Such a set of qualities has created a huge number of jokes and anecdotes on the legal-judicial issue.

We chose half a dozen of the funniest jokes about lawyers.

Listens to the murder case. Sufficient evidence in the case, but the victim's body was never found. defendant's lawyer appeals to the court:

- Your Honor, I have a surprise for you - less than a minute, the man accused of the murder of which my client will enter the courtroom.

The judge and the jury looked at the door. It takes a minute or two, five - no one enters.


- My statement was not true, but you all looked at the door, then you have admitted that my client is a victim is still alive. And since the doubt in favor of the accused, I demand the recognition of his innocence.

Court retire to deliberate. After meeting the judge verdict: "Guilty."


- But the doubt in favor of the accused, and I saw that everyone was looking at the door!


- That's it - all except the accused!

- Who else call names, the so-called self!

- Defendant stop farce!

- The defendant!

There are two types of lawyers: those who know the law, and those who know the judge. Granddaughter and grandmother visit the cemetery and granddaughter asked her grandmother:

- Grandma, but perhaps in one grave possible to bury two people at once?

- Of course not, granddaughter. Why do you ask?

- I saw one of tombs an inscription: "Here is buried a lawyer and an honest man."

- And I would have you given 17 years.

- Comrade Judge, that's not funny.

Vampire father teaches his son:

- Look, son, girl goes. Who flies to her, digging into his neck and suck blood.

Son did so ... he drinks, it means that the blood, the father approaches here:

- Mark, son, throw it, that's enough.

- Dad, but you have nee still so much blood left!

- Throw say, we're not lawyers.

Somehow it came to well-known lawyer and representatives of the Benevolent Society expressed his claim:

- You do not really participate in donations and will never help those in need!

At that the lawyer told them:

- I have elderly parents, a sister who is not married and does not work, the aunt that vagabonds in Odessa, brother: every day a new disease, uncle incessantly guzzle money my friends!

- Please accept our apology, we are not famous ...

- So keep in mind, even to them I did not give a single penny!

In a court:

- Any questions?

- If the centaur to copulate with a mermaid, they will be born half human, a quarter of the fish and a quarter horse?

- I mean, to the witness.

- By the questions asked to the witness, Your Honor.

- About a hammer, you have killed dozens of people and robbed hundreds. What can you say for yourself? - The defendant sit down and stop clowning around.

The American comes to a lawyer and asks for advice.

- My neighbor owes me five hundred dollars, and does not give. Can I somehow seize the money from him?

- You can, but you need written proof that he owes you. Do you have a proof?

- I'm afraid not. I have it just took.

- Then write him a letter and ask in the letter, he immediately returned to you a thousand dollars.

- But he owes me only five hundred dollars!

- That's what he would answer. And it will be written evidence.

- What do you call a person who helps a criminal before he committed a crime?

- an accomplice.

- And if it helps the perpetrator after he has committed a crime?

- Advocate.

- See, he sneezed, then telling the truth.

- Comrade advocate, you have everything?

- According to your complaint, the accused said that you are a fool. It's true?

- the truth.

- Then what are you complaining about?

- Can you recommend a wonderful lawyer. His client was threatening the electric chair, but he has achieved a significant reduction in ...

- Penalties?

- No voltage.

- Do not judge, ye be judged.

- Protest protection rejected.