"Doctor, I have it parquet!". Doctors are divided funny answer their patients' questions about their sex life

doctor work - the case, though, no doubt, worthy of respect, but sometimes a difficult and thankless task. Still, our favorite doctors almost every day we have to deal with the running and complex cases of various diseases, from the narrow-minded patients who have these same cases, in fact, launched. Moreover, it is unclear which of the two evils, in fact, less.

Indeed, the ignorance of some people with regard to matters relating to their own personal health, sometimes simply amazing, and sometimes causes make beautiful and eloquent feyspalm.

When it comes to the purely medical aspects, undoubtedly turbulent and eventful sex life of patients, individual personality capable of delivering real masterpieces. So today we decided to lighten the mood of our readers and have prepared for you a selection of the funniest responses to questions about sexuality, which pleased the doctors and nurses, particularly "creative" patients.

"The Immaculate Conception"

"Girl, 17 years old, was brought by ambulance during the night complaining of severe pain in the abdomen, close to flee terrified mother and father no less frightened. With the patient all clear at first sight, we are taking urgent in the delivery room, because she has already had time to move water. She, incidentally, is itself quite complete, so that the stomach is not very conspicuous. When the intervals between contractions, she looked with horror at the parents and moaned: "But I can not give birth, I have never had sex, Mom, Dad, I promise", we all laughed at the department. "

"Eight times a day,"

"I remember the story from the time when he worked as a military doctor in about 2003, comes to me, then, a guy from our side, it is written in the direction of" the problem of intimate nature ", in 99.99% of cases, this means venereal. It turned out that "the intimate nature of the problem" - is impressive sores on the genitals. Well, it happens. I asked the guy for a long time if he had these wounds when he was last sexual contact, and if he feels pain when urinating. "

"He replied:" No, never, no. " Well, then where the hell ulcers? I start very slowly and clearly and calmly explain to him what constitutes "sexual contact." He looks at me confused look and produces: "Doctor, but I'm a virgin, I only occasionally engaged in self-satisfaction." So ... I asked: "How often?". He shrugs his shoulders and says: "At eight times a day."

"written out wound-healing ointment and sent him back with special regards to the unit commander: to prevent injuries among staff to limit their subordinates the opportunity to masturbate more than once a day."

"It all started with Stacy ..."

"Okay, here's my favorite event. We were at the hospital came to the young man, twenty years, before accepting he was given a standard form with a dozen different issues, well, in style, whether it takes at the moment those or other drugs, if he has an allergy to something, and so on. d. we still on guard when he said that he did not have enough space and asked a couple of sheets of paper. "

"So that brings me to nurse this poor form, and what do I see? Under "Are you sexually active?" He looked around the question circle and signed "See. in the application". The app came out informative. "It all started with Stacy when I was in ninth grade, she was very gentle and passionate girl ...", and three and a half sheet of small handwriting. "


"It is not quite in the topic, but I just can not help but share. I work a gynecologist, I have observed a woman, 35 years old, college educated, have two children, my husband and I are waiting for the third. At the very end of the reception, when her husband was not in the office, she comes up to me, shyly tugging his sleeve and says, "Doctor, you will probably decide right now that I'm a fool, but I still want to clarify, my husband He says that when we have sex during pregnancy, we feed our baby ... It's true or not? "

"You would know how much effort it cost me to save at this point a professional facial expression. So I can imagine how this clever man drove to his wife and with stoic face says, "Honey, I want this any more than you, but it is necessary, we have to feed our baby." On the way to the car with her husband, she did not talk. "

"It was worth it!"

"We have received the patient is in a pretty bad condition. The poor man could barely walk and could not sit down even more. He complained of very strong pain in the pelvic area. When we pressed him to the wall of the questions, he cracked and admitted that a week ago he had, quote, "very hard sex with a beautiful lady." As it turned out, "a beautiful lady" stuck in his arm by the elbow the most. "

"Send it to X-ray and found a stress fracture pubic bone. Treatment and rehabilitation after such injuries - it is a very long and complicated process. The most striking thing is that even after he had been told the diagnosis, and he learned that after such a trauma pain, bowel problems and incontinence may remain with him till the end of life, he still said it, they say, was worth " .